I have been with this guy for nearly 3 years and living together for 2 1/2. From the start, there have been things that he does that bother me, but I’m an extremely patient and tolerant person and just let these things go. I’m talking things like: leaving his socks on the floor, unplugging my rechargeable razor and toothbrush in my bathroom (we do not share bathrooms), and other such b.s. It annoys the heck out of me, but I truly think there are more important things in life than getting upset over these petty things. He, on the other hand, doesn’t let a single thing go. But the problem is that he doesn’t say anything to me about what’s bugging him – he just stops talking to me for days at a time. When he finally does talk to me about what set him off, I get so frustrated because it’s just such stupid things like: I threw my clothes on the floor in my bathroom, I left a few dishes in the sink overnight, I left some trash in the car, I didn’t rinse the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher, etc. I can see how this can be annoying, but I can’t understand why it would make him so angry that he would choose to just give me the cold shoulder for days on end.
This last time (and the reason I’m writing really) his foul mood lasted for nearly a month. He stopped even acknowledging my presence in the room or would just go elsewhere in the house. He slept in the spare bedroom. He stopped even saying hello/goodbye. When he did talk to me, it was to scold me about something I’d failed to do (like the dishes or the cat box). And his tone of voice was just so condescending and nasty. He was hurtful and petty and immature – all the things I hate in a man and certainly not the kind of behavior I ever expected from him after nearly 3 years together.
Earlier this week, I decided I’d had enough and that I wanted to leave him. I had a long talk with his mom (I’m very close to her actually). She agreed that something seemed very wrong, but she asked me to give him another chance. My terms were that he would have to agree to couples counseling or I would need to leave for my own sanity (because his behavior is a form of abuse for the love of bagels). So I starting making all sorts of plans to set up a new life on my own – went apartment hunting, looked at cars, and got a storage unit so I could start shuttling my things out of his house. The counseling is set up for the end of February, but his mom has yet to tell him about it.
Now, for the last three nights, he has been very nice. Sweet even. And I’m waffling… it is very easy to stay now that he’s back to his old self. But how long will this last? What the heck made him so angry to start with that he would treat me like that?! I’m not sure it was anything I did – it could have had nothing to do with me – but then the question is why would he think it was ok to take his frustrations out on me like that?
Should I stay or should I go?